Dear Ones,
This past weekend I was fortunate to lead the Yoga: A Tool for Spiritual Deepening Workshop at Pendle Hill retreat center in Wallingford, PA. I am still processing the wonder of it all and will post in the a few days my thoughts. I wanted to alert everyone that I have uploaded the sequences used in that workshop on the downloads section of the website. Please look through them, ask questions, and feel free to practice them, adapting them as you see fit. A Lotus for you, Maria
0 Comments
Dear Ones, The past several weeks have been incredibly busy, filled with many endings and quite a few beginnings. Through it, I have noticed a development in my capacity to witness. That is, the ability to touch the part of my perception that perceives in objectivity, neither confirming nor denying experience but simply watching life as it unfolds. This has been a precious practice in the last few weeks because my environment has at times appeared incredibly active, and it has not allowed me the opportunity to really reflect on what's happened. The capacity to witness without judging nourishes the understanding that you are, in fact, alive. Life's ebbs and flows can make it seem like things are happening to you, rather than originating from your past actions and so on, so that you can easily forget you are the star of your own movie. Practicing with the silent observer has allowed me to take note of everything without being too caught up in the drama of it all.
I've also noticed a peculiar effect from this witnessing, and that is a budding desire to re-engage with a few larger life questions. My relationship to what some call God, Source, Presence, etc. has been...well, bumpy. Most of the time my skepticism over powers my intention to stay open and receptive, and I cannot concede the existence of something that I cannot actually experience sensually (that is, through my organs of perception - sight, smell, touch, mind, taste). I also cannot help but see the devastation caused when people get it into their heads that "God said..." and proceed to destroy whole civilizations, Mother Earth, etc. And yet, lately I have been drawn to re-examine my relationship to this concept because I see that this witness, despite its simplicity, is something that I must cultivate and nurture, even though it has clearly always been there and will continue to be whether or not I choose to acknowledge it. I remember experiencing this witness as child, realizing that life was a great play and I was merely an observer. The Bhagavad Gita (the Song of God, a story whereby Arjuna, a soldier, meets God incarnate as Krishna) talks about Isvara (God, Supreme, etc) as the witness on two occasions, and it describes how the essence of God is to watch all as it unfolds, content to see the drama being played out. God's presence pervades all as the witness, according to the Gita. I think I am so used to thinking of myself as the star of my own movie, that I forget that it, for all its density, is still a movie. I hope that I can continue to remain open to the witness and see what mysteries unfold in the process. Could be fun =) Dear Ones,
I have been practicing for the past several weeks with a great deal of anxiety. Today I received an email with a quote from Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche that showed me the purpose and power of practicing with difficult emotions. I re-post it here for your enjoyment: DIVING INTO IRRITATION We cannot con the existing experience of life; we cannot con our experiences or change them by having some unrealistic belief that things are going to be okay, that in the end everything is going to be beautiful. If we take that approach, then things are not going to be okay. For the very reason that we expect things to be good and beautiful, they won’t be. In a genuine approach to spirituality, we are not looking for a kick, for inspiration, or bliss. Instead, we are digging into life’s irritations, diving into the irritations and making a home out of that. Then the irritations become a source of great joy, transcendental joy, because there is no pain involved at all. ~Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche 6/14/2011 0 Comments Cultivating the Mind of LoveMy Friends,
I returned Sunday night from retreat and, as usual, am feeling very grateful for the practice. My dharma teacher, Anh Huong, has a way of challenging me to look at the spaces in my heart that feel incredibly scary, while simultaneously setting up a space that allows me to relax. Admittedly, this does not happen without resistance on my part. But she just smiles, tells us not to take ourselves too seriously, and to open our heart even wider. One of the things that came up for me was the feelings of jealousy and possessiveness that often come up in relation to my partner. I notice that these feelings come up when I think he may be spending time with someone who has some quality I perceive I don't have and want, like physical beauty, etc. These feelings have come up in past relationships as well. I noticed that the root of these feelings is that I have no experience with men in relationships who have remained faithful. All of the male members of my family have cheated on their spouses, even if their spouses have stayed with them. My previous serious relationship involved unfaithfulness as well. Curious how old hurts lay the foundation for later suffering. I have cultivated a deep mistrust of men, due in large part to these experiences. My dharma teacher invited the community do walking meditation with the children within themselves that had experienced the old hurts that we were currently working with, that were looking for safe spaces to heal and transform their suffering. I practiced walking with 9 yr old me and 17 year old me. They asked a lot of questions around what it means for your identity when someone cheats on you: Am I uglier than her? Does this mean no one will love me? How can I guarantee that no one will hurt me like this? Why do people do this to each other? Why would you hurt someone this way? Does it make people feel better when they cheat? I didn't have any answers, but I listened. This supposed cause and effect relationship is what I am trying to practice with now. Is it my suffering that compels someone to be unfaithful? Is it my responsibility to monitor someones behavior? Is there really any real way for me to monitor behavior? What would it take to develop trust under these circumstances? Luckily, my partner has his own practice, which allows him to help me sit with these thoughts and work through them. He's a really good guy =) I'm incredibly excited to finally be opening up a web space! I've been meaning to do this for quite awhile, but I guess conditions weren't yet sufficient. This endeavor comes at a time of many changes in my life: I'm preparing to move to the Seattle, WA to begin a PhD program in Social Welfare, I'm moving there with my partner, and that's not to mention the whole host of other things that come with moving your life clear across the country. Many things are ending and many things are beginning.
Through it all, I continue to come back to practice. Yoga and Meditation have been the cornerstones of my life during the last 5 years, and I'm worried about what moving across the country means for my practice. I've done some preliminary research and have found two possible new practice communities, and a new possible yoga teacher...but they of course won't be the same ones I've been used to. To spend so much time developing relationships, roots, roles, merely to see them end feels hard. My sangha (spiritual community) put out an invitation to practice the Five Remembrances every morning for two weeks, and I decided to participate, knowing they would help to ground me in the present moment, in my life exactly as it is in this moment. The practice has been helping. For those who may not know, the Five Remembrances are: 1) I am of the nature to grow old. I cannot escape old age. 2) I am of the nature to have ill-health. I cannot escape ill-health. 3) I am of the nature to die. I cannot escape dying. 4) All that is dear to me and everyone I love are of the nature to change. There is no way to escape being separated from them. I cannot keep anything. I come here empty-handed and I go empty-handed. 5) My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground on which I stand. This weekend I'll be headed to West Virginia to practice at the Claymont Court Retreat Center with my dharma teacher, Anh Huong, and her partner Thu Nguyen. The name of the retreat is "Cultivating the Mind of Love". Probably the right one to go to, huh? -Maria |
About the Author
Maria Rodriguez, MSW is a Yoga and Buddhist practitioner. She currently studies in the Iyengar Yoga method, as well as Zen Mindfulness Practice in the tradition of the Venerable Thich Nhat Hahn. She lives in Philadelphia, PA with her Rat Terrier/Lhasa Apso mix Manjushri (He who brings great understanding). ArchivesCategoriesAll Anxiety Beginning Bhagavad Gita Buddhist Practice Buddhist Practice Meditation Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche Ending Life Changes Practicing With Emotions Quotes Relationships Silence The Five Rememberances Witnessing |